I have finally got round to reading ‘The C-Word’ by Lisa Lynch. It is such a well written book about how, now sadly late, Lisa was coping with being diagnosed with breast cancer and all the mill of the treatments she was offered. The book, I am sure, is a verbal portrait of this lovely, intelligent young woman whose life was cut short by the monster c, the Bullshit, as she called it. Before writing the book, Lisa started a blog: http://alrighttit.blogspot.co.uk/ – the blog is going to be kept alive by her family and friends.
I must say that I envy the people who had read ‘The C-Word’ before Lisa lost her well fought battle. It is, I am sure, a lot different to be battling the battle myself and without much support, and read this story knowing it has no happy end….. 😦
After reading the book, I became obsessed with reading stories of people struck with secondary breast cancer and all the statistics connected with the survival of such patients….. Visiting forums where fellow cancer warriors share their feelings, mainly painful, desperate, angry…. negative, in short, has not helped much either. I had to finally, almost literally, give myself a slap on the cheek! I can’t let cancer get to my spirit and focusing on the negative is doing exactly that; opening the door to my inner self for the monster c to try and bring havoc even there.
Fortunately, two weeks ago I started an online course on ‘Coping With Cancer Stress’ and the relaxation exercises have helped me put my mind back on track, on the hopeful and positive track. I then brought my attention back to the life of the brave Lisa Lynch and her writings and have realised that she did not lose the battle at all. She remained herself to the end. She was blessed with a loving husband and family and managed to realize many of her dreams and she definitely did not let cancer eat her soul. I to refuse to give in to the tyrant cancer trying to rob me of hope, joy, and peace. I understand people often need to give vent to their feelings publicly, but I am rather discouraged reading all the reports of how bitter, sore, disappointed, etc. cancer sufferers are…. I feel like I am, yet again, somewhat an outsider, that I do not fit in anywhere…. People who have no experience with cancer whatsoever do not really understand what I am going through and I don’t blame them. My fellow warriors may see me as a weirdo too as I keep smiling, even when in pain, I find it hard to whinge and dislike being negative, dislike giving rants about how people around me irritate me because they ask me the wrong questions, or not ask me at all, or make comments that are inappropriate, etc. etc. I simply remember how it was when I didn’t have cancer and didn’t have a clue about how it was to suffer from it, didn’t know how to support people suffering from malignant tumours…. Every cancer sufferer once was cancer free, both in body and in mind…. Yet, once diagnosed, many of us immediately expect the whole world to understand what we are going through and come to our aid…..
I’d love to have family and friends who love me enough to practically support me in my battle – to sometimes cook for my family, take the boys away for a few hours or a weekend even; help me with all those chores that are such a huge task for me now…. I don’t have such people around me. Yet, I can see no benefit in dwelling on it and giving in to being bitter about all this. There are still things in my life that I can and should be grateful for and it surely is beneficial for me to focus on those; To think about life’s blessings is like treating one’s palate with chocolate – the signal is being sent to one’s brain to release endorphins and the mood is better immediately.