While everyone is focusing on the new 2017 year, I need to take a few steps back before directing my attention onto what is ahead. Last year was a very meditative, inward and upward leading time of a great inner growth, clarity and freedom. The universe was clearly conspiring in providing teachers and materials for me to chew on, in order to free myself even more from all illusory constraints of this life, with its cultural, religious, political, educational, economical, etc. standards, labels or norms. All these are ok, don’t get me wrong, but when we pass the reins of our lives onto anything or anyone other than our soul, we are bound to be slaves of that person or thing.
The most beautiful conclusion of all the contemplation and studies I did last year was that clear realization that I AM ENOUGH – I can fully trust my inner guidance as I am one with the divine Whole/Source. The physical manifestation is but a reflection of what is the real essence of being and that is the spirit/energy/light/love. I am Love and Light and the purpose of my life is to shine these – that is the conclusion of last year’s journey.
I believe that the clearer we are about our identity in our inner man, the more of the fake, unhealthy stuff in us will surface, in order to be faced, accepted and released. Our bodies store years of all kinds of emotions we bombard them with and that can manifest in all kinds of ‘interesting’ symptoms, illnesses, and the like. I am an excellent example of such a walking time bomb! 😉 Years of self-loathing and a very low self-esteem have made an impact on my health. In 2012, when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, it was really no surprise. The bomb had to explode….. I survived that though, because I let my Higher Self take over with its pure joy and faith. I chose to be happy no matter what and still stick to that choice – what matters is not what happens to us, but how we choose to respond to it.
It looks like, there is a little bit more of the inner cleaning needed, as the cancer decided to come back last year! What I, and doctors in the hospital where I stayed during Christmas, thought was a bad case of pneumonia, has proved to be a metastatic breast cancer in my lungs, liver and bones! It sounds ominous in human terms. For me, however, reality is being written by that invisible spiritual essence of our being and it is that essence that decides at the end of the day whether I have accomplished my purpose for this life or not. I am treating this situation as a project where I learn to let everything go even more into the hands of the universe/Source/God and my soul. Undoubtedly, it is a great learning experience for a fiercely independent person to end up being so vulnerable and in need of all kinds of help and support. I welcome this experience as needed for me to shine that pure light and love! Humility is priceless. If that is the way for me to learn it, so be it. I do not see myself as ill, but as a ‘work in progress’.
I have just completed my first week of chemotherapy and have managed not to be back in hospital for two weeks and am feeling much better than a month ago. I would say that is a progress. Most importantly, the peace and joy in my heart are not shaken in any shape or form, because they do not depend on the physical reality.
I am just resting in the fact that I am a timeless awareness having this human experience which will end when it is meant to end.
In the meantime, CARPE DIEM!