I speak for the trees….

Last week I celebrated my 44th birthday! Yay! Number 8 is my lucky number and this year has two of these: 7+1 and 4+4, so it is a good year to fight a good fight!! 🙂 A few months ago, when I was in hospital and my lungs were really poorly I was wondering if I would live past my 44th birthday. Today, I am feeling a lot better than during those hospital weeks! I am alive and kicking. However, together with birthday thoughts, best wishes from friends and presents, I couldn’t help but to thing about the other bracket embracing life, at the end of it, and that is death. They say ‘the only difference between death and birth is who is waiting on the other side’! 🙂 I totally agree with it. We are spirits inhabiting physical vehicles called bodies. I am not afraid of dying. It is just a transition from one dimension to another. Also, unlike most people around I need to think about it, since my body, allegedly, is a terminal case! 😉 I am saying ‘allegedly’ as it is just from the medical point of view that it is so. If my destiny is to end my life because of cancer, then so be it, however, I am not treating it as a sentence. It is more of a lesson, a challenge, and ironically a platform to heal many, many things in my thinking and emotions (a lot of which has already happened!). It is also the practicalities of death, like, where to die, and what funeral (if any) to have, that I have been thinking about lately. Anyway, I am being reminded about this every time a nurse, a doctor or another professional refer to me as a PEPS patient (a palliative care patient). Not long ago I was even asked if I wanted to sign a DNR form, but I was not convinced I should sign it as yet. The choice I have been able to make is as which hospice to be referred to. St.John’s Hospice in Moggerhanger, Beds, is a place where I have had some rehab treatment for over two years now, and so I am well familiar with the place and so are my sons. Hence, if it does come to it, that I will be shedding this body of mine, it should happen in this lovely place, surrounded by beautiful views and managed by very friendly people. There is one more hospice I am planning to check out this week for some alternative treatments, and that’s Garden House Hospice in the neighbouring county of Hertfordshire. I will share my opinion about it once I have been there and had a look around 🙂

As for the funeral itself. Well, the Lorax comes to my mind 😉


It is not a secret that I love nature and I love trees (check out one of my photo albums, Woods Magic !). ‘Lorax’ could easily be my nickname!  I have come across this new way of ‘disposing of’ one’s ashes and that is to turn them into a memorial tree! I really LOVE the idea of there being a tree that could be planted on/in/with my ashes somewhere where I have often hang around for the boys to be able to come and have that tangible place to remember their mum. 🙂 I have yet to decide what tree I would love my ashes to feed. Of course, that will cost – the bios urn is not overly expensive, but getting a permission to plant such a tree somewhere will be a different story. I have this LEMONADE FUNDRAISER running where you, dear, patient readers can cheer me in my battle in a practical way! Every little helps – if a thousand people give £5 pounds it will give…. you do the maths, it’s not hard! 🙂 So, if you feel prompted in your heart to support me, please do so. Your seed will be multiplied, because this is the universal law, that what we sow we shall reap, some call it karma… 😉

I have started this post with a quote from Dr Seuss, so I will finish with one as well. It’s one of my favourites and could easily be the motto of my life:


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